coldutewarmheart

I haven't known how to write this blog post, but I knew the time would come when it felt right, and I've decided that time is probably now.. I don't want pity, I just want to take control back. I want to express what happened to me on my own terms, because it's nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about (despite how it might feel) - after all, it was not me who did anything wrong!!! It's 1 whole year since I was assaulted by a nurse. I'm not going to skirt around it at this point, I'm just going to say it as it is. I was treated abusively by someone who I should have been able to trust. It all happened 365 days ago when I attended hospital for a routine neurology appointment. My appointment had been difficult for various reasons and I was massively struggling with the hospital due to post-traumatic stress resulting from some distressing experiences during my inpatient stay. It all became overwhelming shortly after my appointment and I collapsed in the wai

Today, I had my last session of Intensive Short-Term Dynamic Psychotherapy. It's been a really challenging time, and I've struggled with the process, but I hope, with time, it will prove beneficial. The psychotherapist working with me recently, believes I can recover. I'm working on having that same belief and hope, but it's a definite work in progress. Without the belief that I can recover, I won't. I fear a devastating relapse, despite knowing that fear is unhelpful, and I can't help feeling that way. It's going to take some time I think, and I'll need to keep reinforcing the way I want to think and feel. Recovery isn't easy. It takes determination and fight and strength, all of which I'm not sure I have just now (despite everyone telling me I do). If I'm not strong enough now, I hope my recent work will give me the knowledge and understanding and experience to improve when things fall into place in the future. Would I recommend

1st March. My MEversary. Diagnosis anniversaries are tough, and I can't properly explain it.. They make you reflect on life and where you're at, and the years with chronic illness that have passed. I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome in 2010, 7 years ago. I'd been ill for 6 months. I was 17 at the time. I've now been ill for 3/10ths of my life. 😳 How the hell has that happened?! I thought I'd be better in a matter of weeks. 390 weeks (and counting) isn't quite what I was thinking.. The last 7.5 years have been beyond difficult, but they haven't been all bad. I've had some great times, with some fabulous people. Chronic illness hasn't wrecked everything. But it has wrecked a hell of a lot. Chronic illness has scuppered a lot of my life plans. Uni didn't go to plan, and became out of of the question when things escalated. I'm currently not massively functional and am very held back by my health. I've been exhausted and i